We live in a world where podcasts and apps are a dime a dozen and retreats for spirit evolution are endless, making it hard to find one that “resonates.” Travel packages however include Ayahuasca and yoga practice as the “purpose” of the time away or vacancy. All in all, people seek “something” that will awaken, enlighten, illuminate or do something in between all these “ends.” I don’t want to be the bearer of bad news, but none of this will make any difference in the long run (if you’re seeking genuine transformation). There may be a catharsis or even a euphoric period, a “mountaintop” experience whose residue will surely linger for a few days, maybe even weeks. But eventually,
when the routine of one’s life re-emerges and one returns to the infamous grind, the same things one tried to escape, minimize, run away from, make sense of, justify, or even deny appear with greater intensity and grit. In many ways, people are seeking spirituality as a means of escapism an avoidance. From what? From the issues, the silence, the reality and the procrastination of necessary changes, if not urgent, to face once and for all. If I consider myself to be spiritual and to have practices and so on, but I am not addressing the unresolved
struggles in my mind and within me, which have affected my way of being, my emotions, my thinking, my attitudes about myself or others, my actions and ultimately my assessment of my life’s meaning, then the practice I claim to be practicing is simply seeking to avoid seeing the forest for the trees.
There is a time-honored way to avoid spiritual bypassing and really move into doing the work that will genuinely bring you what you are seeking, if that is what you want. It takes three steps, and they require authentic intention, investment and inner strength. They are as follows: (1) Self-Discovery; (2) Self-Empowerment; (3) Self-Regulation. Self-discovery is the ability to go beyond the “who you think you are” to find the “real” you underneath layers of expectations, guilt, shame, frustration, feelings of inadequacy, anger, and insecurity, to name a few. Once you discover your true self, you realize that who you have accepted to be was really to a large extent, you accepting what others expected you to be and become, and you arranged and settled into a course of living that ensured these goals (of others), which you probably accepted as your own, would come to fruition. Once you achieved self-discovery, self-empowerment comes into play to ensure
you do not struggle or succumb to impostor syndrome as the intrusion of feelings and thoughts seeks to wear you down and guilt you back into your lane and shape, and to entertain the crazy idea of you being authentic happy, free, and at peace with your true self. To address any possibility of anyone confusing this with being “woke” or not willing to suck it up and move on, both of these possible responses to this would equate to denial and the effort to underestimate or not want to acknowledge that all people, to some degree or another – if they struggle with failure, insecurity, the inability to communicate effectively, cannot understand true intimacy, cannot seem to find healthy
and authentic relationships, inability to express empathy, do not possess emotional intelligence or have a difficult time accepting their self-worth and value- well, now you know.
To continue deepening self-discovery and nurture and sustain self-empowerment, you need to learn self-regulation. This means your ability to identify triggers, patterns, reactions, attitudes, feelings and thoughts that block your path toward personal growth and self-realization. Additionally, self-regulation increases emotional intelligence, improves one’s ability to prevent conflict and negative thoughts and provides the intrinsic motivation one needs to find contentment- that is, true satisfaction with oneself and one’s life- and to find authentic meaning in one’s life that transcends children, family and friends, which all too often become the external sources of purpose, but within one finds emptiness and an unsettling dissatisfaction with life. This is not an easy or popular road to take. It is not attractive, as the instant gratification of emotional highs and feeling “great” can confuse people into believing they are somewhere deep inside and spiritually where they actually aren’t. However, this process, this journey, actually works and will transform your life and not just for a season or two. If it is quality, purpose, meaning and healing you seek – which are the pillars of true peace and genuine contentment- then I recommend starting today. In my next article, I’ll share practical steps you can take to move this process forward. Please feel free to contact me if you’d like more information or a consultation.
