So I have been going through a rough time in my life. A stage that doctors and Neurologists can’t explain. A seizure is a sudden uncontrolled episode of abnormal electric brain activity. Often causing physical convulsions, muscle spasms, staring spells or loss of conciousness. The seizures cause amnesia. So I lose my whole routine. Something that I have worked so hard on structuring over that last decade. So I guess you should feel lucky that I even remembered that River Cities Gazette.NET exists. Because here I am in the post seizure stage working hard for you. The recent few days have been very physically painfull and filled with vivid wild goose chase dreams. The fact that I woke up to what is supposed to be normal. The sounds of airplanes and automobiles were a “phew” moment. I have to thank God that I’m not being surrounded by police or chased down like a criminal. I have to thank God that I was even given the chance to wake up and continue my attempt to build my life. I don’t want you to feel sorry for me. I am just trying to enlighten you on the subject coming from first hand experience. I am trying to motivate you, using myself as an example. Because It’s NOT going to stop me. I am going to continue. Obviously the seizures don’t take me. So here I am waking up from a crazy vivid dream. It makes me say, “Thank God for normalcy” Thank God for the sound of base speakers and vroom – vroom automobile exhaust. The sound of a 747 blasting by. The sounds of lawns being mowed. You might say, “Man, I hate that sound” But just realized how worse the sound could be. Do NOT take for granted the sounds of the hustle and bustle of the concrete jungle. Appreciate the fact that what you are hearing isn’t something that could destroy the life that you have built for yourself. Appreciate the fact that you aren’t being lead on a high-speed chase by law enforcement. Or caught behind bars. As that would be truly life changing. Something that would ruin more than just your day. We all have nightmares. My father likes to tell me, “At least it was just a dream son.” He is right. I’m just having a problem waking up out of it.
Neurologists have done brain scans and sleep studies, but have no way to explain what is happening. The only thing they said is that it’s not epilepsy. Like I said don’t feel sorry for me. If you want say a prayer that it’s just a stage in life. That I somehow get through this. Because it’s the toughest thing I have ever faced. And I’ve faced some tough things. If you see me, pat me on the back and tell me everything is going to be ok.
But if you happen to see me, and notice a look of discomfort on my face. Please do not judge me or think I have given up. Just realize that I am trying to make sense of this. That I am trying to fit the pieces of the puzzle into place. Trying to come up with the proper recipe. That will allow me to live my life without the frustration. Without the feeling of confusion. Like being stuck in the twilight zone. It’s a surreal dreamlike state. And it’s not a pleasant dream. I am stuck in a nightmare. So I apologize if i’m having a problem smiling. Please understand, please grant me a pass. Just know that in my eyes, everything is off. I am trying my hardest to find the right color to match the scheme. I am trying my hardest to find my normalcy, and continue on my path.
I have my theories of what is the cause. But does it really matter? All that matters is that I KEEP GOING. All that matters is that I don’t give up the fight. That I don’t stop trying to succeed in life and just hang up the gloves. If you are fighting something. I want you to use me as an example. I want you to say,”Brad’s not giving up, so neither will I. Cause life on Earth is not supposed to be easy. It is supposed to be a challenge. That is how we are molded by the Universe to turn into who you are supposed to be. It’s how you adapt to your challenge that matters. It’s that you persist. Whether or not you know why. Whether or not there is a defined reason for what you are facing. I want you to just keep fighting. After all our short glimpse here on Earth is not our true life. We choose to experience this glimpse. Then we evolve into the creature that experiences their true eternal life. That’s what I’m doing. Evolving into the man that I am supposed to be during my short glimpse. I hope that I motivate you to do the same. Just realize that you have a choice. Just realize that you choose to persisit here on this planet. It’s what you take from it that matters.
